This past week has been an absolute roller coaster ! I have gone from getting back down to 176 lbs, to completely falling off the wagon ! Well, almost completely off ! I had gotten myself back down to 176 lbs in 3 days from 180, and I was feeling great. Then a few things happened. One signed up for this website called sparkpeople.com and started tracking my food intake. I first realized that the smoothies that I have loved so much, and consumed religiously is MUCH higher in calories than I originally thought ! I was shocked ! I had been having one for breakfast and one for lunch those 3 days that I dropped 3 pounds. In all honesty those 3 days were really tough and I felt like I was starving basically ! It was rough ! So when I realized this I started eating a bowl of cheerios every morning, and then having a light lunch and a healthy dinner. The other thing that happened though was a started a new job. A job that has me leaving the house early in the morning and gone until about an hour or two before my husband goes to work. That means no gym those days. Plus the two days that he leaves for work early in the morning makes 5 days this week that I haven't been able to go to the gym. I realized that I need that gym routine more than I thought ! I loose all motivation to workout at home, and the motivation to stay on top of my diet. I have had pasta twice this week, and I was originally trying to cut out pasta and a few other high carb foods this week. I have had a TON of junk food and sugary sweets too. It's been a complete fail this whole week basically ! I could have gone to the gym this morning, but I didn't. I could be upstairs doing a kickboxing tape, but I'm not either ! I really suck right now !
I have gone from thinking that I needed to eat less and less to loose weight to thinking that I need to relax and not be so hard on myself. To thinking that I need to loose weight fast, to thinking that I need to slow down ! I still feel both things. I just don't know how to balance it all yet. I don't want to feel like I'm not eating enough, I want to loose this weight faster than it's happening, but I don't want to loose it too fast cause I don't want to end up with any loose skin anywhere. I don't know how to have all of those things. I don't know how to go easy on myself and keep my motivation. It's like the phrase I love so much " go hard or go home ". It's almost like it's all or nothing ! It's very frustrating ! I work all day tomorrow and the next day, so I don't see myself being able to do to the gym till maybe 2 or 3 days from now. I need to try to get myself back into the habit of doing a cardio tape here at home, but even that is to hard some days because of the kids. It's not like I'm giving up completely or anything, but I'm not going to go back to killing myself for basically nothing. I need to learn how to balance it all, and make it work at the same time ! It's the only way that I am going to be able to keep up with it, and keep the weight off.
First things first I have to go back to the diet ! I know what to eat and what not to eat, and I know good and well what is too much to eat. There is no excuse for how I have been eating this week. I know better ! If I'm not going to be able to go to the gym as much I can not afford to eat crap ! I'm going to gain all my weight back if I keep this behavior up, and that's not acceptable. I have to make the home workout a routine ! It's only 30-40 min out of the whole day !
It's almost like every time I start to see some real progress I go and self sabotage myself ! I don't understand it. Is it the natural fight to change my life and the simple fact that these things I'm doing are NOT easy and I'm just feeling that in this moment? Is there some other reason why I fall off every time I get to some big milestone ? I just don't understand. I guess it's all about the process. I know it's not suppose to be easy, but I didn't realize it was going to be this kind of a struggle. It's not just a struggle in the gym or in the kitchen. It's a struggle in my mind !!! I know that when ever I end up getting back to the gym I am NOT going to be happy at what I see on the scale, but I guess that is my punishment for letting myself down. No one can do this for me and it is no one's fault but mine when I fail ! I have to own up to it and keep moving forward !
I have gone from thinking that I needed to eat less and less to loose weight to thinking that I need to relax and not be so hard on myself. To thinking that I need to loose weight fast, to thinking that I need to slow down ! I still feel both things. I just don't know how to balance it all yet. I don't want to feel like I'm not eating enough, I want to loose this weight faster than it's happening, but I don't want to loose it too fast cause I don't want to end up with any loose skin anywhere. I don't know how to have all of those things. I don't know how to go easy on myself and keep my motivation. It's like the phrase I love so much " go hard or go home ". It's almost like it's all or nothing ! It's very frustrating ! I work all day tomorrow and the next day, so I don't see myself being able to do to the gym till maybe 2 or 3 days from now. I need to try to get myself back into the habit of doing a cardio tape here at home, but even that is to hard some days because of the kids. It's not like I'm giving up completely or anything, but I'm not going to go back to killing myself for basically nothing. I need to learn how to balance it all, and make it work at the same time ! It's the only way that I am going to be able to keep up with it, and keep the weight off.
First things first I have to go back to the diet ! I know what to eat and what not to eat, and I know good and well what is too much to eat. There is no excuse for how I have been eating this week. I know better ! If I'm not going to be able to go to the gym as much I can not afford to eat crap ! I'm going to gain all my weight back if I keep this behavior up, and that's not acceptable. I have to make the home workout a routine ! It's only 30-40 min out of the whole day !
It's almost like every time I start to see some real progress I go and self sabotage myself ! I don't understand it. Is it the natural fight to change my life and the simple fact that these things I'm doing are NOT easy and I'm just feeling that in this moment? Is there some other reason why I fall off every time I get to some big milestone ? I just don't understand. I guess it's all about the process. I know it's not suppose to be easy, but I didn't realize it was going to be this kind of a struggle. It's not just a struggle in the gym or in the kitchen. It's a struggle in my mind !!! I know that when ever I end up getting back to the gym I am NOT going to be happy at what I see on the scale, but I guess that is my punishment for letting myself down. No one can do this for me and it is no one's fault but mine when I fail ! I have to own up to it and keep moving forward !